Am I moving on or are the countless displaced in the world moving on? A confusing question at best. On one hand, I look for what seems important to me; a search for truth and trying to see underlying meanings as I think about who I am. And then there is what seems unfathomable to contemplate: human suffering, intolerance and indifference living side by side. I wonder if I’m not too egotistical in my search. Here in Colombia, you can be a first-hand witness to the tragedy of a whole country (Venezuela) with nothing to eat and no hope for tomorrow. Put everything into a backpack, grab your children and wife and start walking. You might not make it but what choice is there? Countless on the roads leading out. The caravan never stops.
The days go by fast leaving something behind – a thought, a memory. We try to hang on to them but how long can you hang on to your memories? Like Eric Clapton’s song “Old Love” – old loves, past glories and learnings that were all too present; sometimes you just want them all to go away: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSHPkq6aYSs.
Moving on…you lift your head to look where you haven’t been yet. It’s all you can do and it’s enough. You ask yourself: Where am I? What can I do now? Life – a constant evaluation of past, present and future. You say to yourself, what is my commitment now? Who am I now?
I am the constant memory I have of myself. It is what I reinforce each and every day of my life. What I have learned is that life is a continuum, an ever changing and challenging opportunity for learning. I believe in my learning. I trust it. I embrace it for I tell myself, what else is there?
My soul, or whatever it is that beats like a heart inside of me and seems to whisper of who I am and what I really want, is a moving current of water on its journey to reach the sea. It feels like it has been here before (remember the song “Dèjá Vu” by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f8z1NAzMlI and yet I can’t remember. Sometimes, it seems like a breeze that ruffles the leaves on that tree that you suddenly notice. Or maybe it’s sunlight filtering down and bringing out an intense green on those same leaves. It’s nice to be reminded of the beauty that exists everywhere.
If I could remember what is really important, would I not see beauty surrounding me more often? Would I not welcome her into my life like a lover standing at my door? For in her I see my own life and all that is hidden in every whisper, laughter and eyes that light up with inner knowing.
There is a larger truth out there in all that I see and try to see. I see her face; she is beautiful, and she is there in front of me. Some say, she is Maya and that she’s not real – just an illusion. But how can that be? How can beauty and harmony in form not be real? There is abundance in her creation and I think she wants me to see it. She goes by the name of Lakshmi and I love that name. Say it once and you want to say it again. She is a tough task master for the world can seem superficial, lacking in deeper meaning. That is her test. She wants you to see more. What you often see like a sumptuous banquet before your eyes is the illusion and doesn’t always sit well with you after you have taken from her.
Look deeper into her mind and try to understand what she was thinking. There must have been much thought behind her creation; lots of planning to see how all the pieces would fit together. See how the lines come together like a beautiful portrait. Notice the shadings and the use of light. Did you see the colors she chose to dazzle you with and make you feel grateful?
She will give you what you want but you have to follow and understand her ways. She asks you to walk on the path of Dharma. It is where true understanding lifts you above the hold of ignorance. To act in accordance with the natural laws of the universe. Dharma is respect for what you see and a desire to protect what was given – the land, the sky, the seas, rivers and lakes. It’s about you and it’s about me, and why we’re meant to live together in peace and harmony. It begins with me and ends with you, and in between exists the universe.
And yet the universe seems small, restrictive and violent. Where is the hope, the growth of consciousness and the longing to belong? There are too many people suffering. We are chained together and hampered, unable to walk freely, by interests and governments that think not of what is ethical, right or how we should act.
When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it…always.
But I want to move on. I want to believe that what I am doing with my life has meaning. That my efforts, however small they be, are leaving footprints in the sand for someone else to follow. I want to cry out against what I see around me – the sounds that invade my ears. Let me find your hidden beauty my Lakshmi. Let me understand.