Found something from a few years back and in times of wandering through the self-imposed desert of creativity or my need to be relevant; I thought I’d send this off to the airwaves. I might get in trouble with you, that’s always the risk, but I know you can accept my ramblings and desire to talk about the not so often talked about. If we could just reach the other side, everything would be okay. Of this I’m certain.
Perhaps what I am going to talk about is equally true for women but since I am on the other side, my words will undoubtedly be construed as not being able to see clearly. I apologize now for what must be my cultural inability to do so.
I dive into this abyss trying to understand the relationship we have with our partners in life and those with whom we wish we could initiate such a dialogue, because it dominates life and thought. There is no getting around the subject. You either do a good job of it or you remain not having a clue on how to proceed. We all have been there before.
In my work, I have the blessing to sit with you and to listen to what occupies your worries and what you would like to have in exchange. It is a humbling experience because I sympathize with the struggle to find common ground and a true expression of love. What you go through is not far from my own experience, after all, I have in most cases lived through more experiences than you.
You motivate me to bring the subject up in my classes. To be able to talk about what can be between two people who genuinely want to know how to love and who long to be loved, lies at the essence of what yoga is about and why we practice in the first place. The idea of yoga is to overcome differences, prejudices, judgment and intolerance; to move towards a common ground of enhancing our differences, keeping an open mind, learning to accept and forgive and being just generally more compassionate and kind. If we believe that those later qualities are important, then we think about them and try to put them into practice in our daily life. It is about being a conscious individual and that fact ultimately defines us.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing
There is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
The world is too full to talk about.
Being of the male species, I often find myself trying to motivate the men in my class. There is, without a doubt, a bond there, so why not try to influence that relationship positively since there seems to be so few of us who are willing to look deeply into these matters, at least from the masculine perspective? But here is where I usually stub my toe if not put my whole foot in my mouth. It is sometimes embarrassing and inevitably one or two of you who are on the other side, show me the confusion that still reigns in the upper regions of my thought processes. I usually say quickly to myself what am I doing getting myself embroiled again in this quagmire of thought impossible for me to save face. Luckily for me, I have this inner ability to secretly smile and to not take myself too seriously; otherwise, the consequences would be devastating.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the man, whether he is in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, would take a little more responsibility for what goes on in that relationship and to try and be the trailblazer (again male-oriented conditioning showing through) for finding the way and solutions that work. It seems after listening to all of you, that it is usually the woman who is concerned and the one who, in the end, is less than satisfied. In a relationship between two people of the same sex, it will still be one or the other who seems to take a more active and concerned role. More often than not on the male side of things, man seems to be oblivious to what is really happening in his relationship, since the contrary of that would reveal too much of a side I’m sure he really doesn’t want the rest of the world to see. Who wants to be thought of as uncaring, inattentive or indifferent and generally egoistical? To be fair, perhaps he like you, just doesn’t know how to proceed to make things better, and more likely than not, does not have the tools to do so.
How to combat what we know of world history with its legacy of male dominance and intolerance towards woman based largely on physical distinction – size and strength? It is still going on today in many parts of the world. We are subjecting woman to feel inferior, helpless and subject to the whims of man. In effect, we are saying to everyone that there is nothing we have learned. Women, we will infringe upon your basic human rights because as men we can. We cannot emotionally deal with your simple desire to reach equality with us or anyone else because, then, how would we feel superior? Even without saying it, we are showing the world that our male ego is fragile and weak.
When the need to oppress is the subtle or even gross underlying reason for being, then we have forgotten what it is to live. Ages of human development by definition; should have brought us to a different way of thinking than that which is still among us in so many parts of the world. Unfortunately, it is not limited to just one sector of the population or one geographical location, but prevalent in all societies and amongst all classes. Instead, we should be talking about exercising freedom in thought and deed since that is what we all want. If we believe in it, then shouldn’t we openly give of it and make it the right of everyone to have? We as a human race are capable of changing and not being afraid of the consequences of extending freedom of thought, freedom of being and the freedom to receive everything that someone might deserve. This should seem obvious and be the starting point in any relationship from two people trying to understand each other to whole societies who need to live together.
I am sure we are not talking about servitude if we ask the simple question, “Why was woman created or even why was man created?” That can’t be even though we use countless phrases like: to complement the other one, to make whole the other person, or to add to my life and existence. All of them are clichés and represent only a small part of the truth, if that. What can I offer you, if not only what I have found in the depths of my being and which I have found to be true? The same goes for you. I give to you because my need is to open my heart and let you see what lies behind my thoughts. I do it to show you what I am capable of. I hope it might provide a degree of solace as you and I walk forward in life. If I can help you to find your own sense of comfort, adding therefore to your general well-being, than why shouldn’t I? It should be important for me to do so. If I can help you to understand the mysteries of life, only because they exist and I am trying to understand them myself, then can’t we talk about them?
Someone must have said in our long history together, that if you bring out the best in the other person you will bring out the best in you. If you make the other person whole, you will become whole yourself. If you truly love, you will be truly loved.
My step maybe longer and my arm longer but it only means that I will not tire as we walk towards our destination nor weaken in my resolve that we should walk side by side. The poet said stand close together but not too close, “For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
I know you will grab part of the sun for me when the clouds mount in my sky and my world seems heavy and oppressive. I am counting on it. I know you can soften my heart when it is defeated by circumstance, because I trust in your gifts and the effect your smile has on me. As funny as it sounds, I sometimes stumble along my way and lose sight of where I want to go in life. There are many times I wish you could help me to regain my sense of purpose. Because, to share vision is to help someone else see the horizon once again, it renews perspective and becomes necessary in this desire to learn how to live. Clouds form part of the sky yet they always move on, waiting is part of the lesson we must learn in life but it helps to have someone who is willing to wait with you.
Take me by the hand sometimes, I won’t mind. Help me to stand tall; it’s a better feeling. Tell me that I can know who I really am and I promise I will do the same. I promise you that I will not find peace in your own lack there of, I have decided that it is not the foundation of who I am nor the work of art that I am constructing deep within me. From today onwards, I will endeavor to not deceive me and I ask you to do the same.
The beauty of who we can be lies in these simple declarations. So don’t hold back and give me all that there is for me to find in you. I am ready and willing to do the same. Finally, I am willing to love you.